I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
