where am i from again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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