I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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