and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
