Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
a search helicopter?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
