apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
