Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
