We won't sleep together?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
