No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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