there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
