i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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