There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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