Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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