just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You have to summon your inner elephant
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
