he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
