Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
