I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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