it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
