ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
