I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my poor anus
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
