You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
