we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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