I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
