i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
