Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Small penises have feelings too.
My cat gives me a boner
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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