so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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