watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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