Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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