I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
