i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
