i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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