I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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