just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
