Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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