I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
