I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
