party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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