over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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