Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
