Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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