I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
