if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
