you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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