After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
