and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
