Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
