I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
