Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
