I wanna bring you to show and tell
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
