I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
