I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
