see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
birth control should be required to get into college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
