i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
