whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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