Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
