Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
