all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
