His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize
