do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
