You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The Olympian is in my bed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
