Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
