I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
