I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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