just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
