Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
