i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
