i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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