Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pooping to opera.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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