this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
