I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
