I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.