im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry