Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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