when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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