U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize