I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
