I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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