it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
