the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
