i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
