took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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