Moan for me like Helen Keller
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
