If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
