How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
