I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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