Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
